McSweeney's: I Am The Actor Appearing In Nearly Every Commercial This Year

A funny piece from writer David Henne, for the TV commercial actors in your life.

As commercial actors, we alone possess the tools necessary to reach the highest levels of theatrical discipline. Our ability to recognize sensory stimulation, for example, is quadrupled that of the standard actor. During my tenure I have acquired over 10,000 facial reactions to register the three most prominent sensations of the trade: cotton-twill comfort, bargain attainment and chicken tonight.