I’m happy that this was all filmed, so I can remember everyone and what we did. I worked for a paper company all these years and never wrote anything down.
Funny, for such a genius, you’re awfully handcuffed.
BARISTA CARRIE: Rule #1 — No chatter at counter.
BARISTA FRED: Uh, no bathroom use before you order.
BARITSA 1: Don’t even knock on the bathroom door.
BARISTA FRED: Yeah, of course there’s someone in there taking a huge shit… We make COFFEE.
WYNN: But even if I were looking for a partner, which I’m not by the way, it would have to be someone I could trust.
BOYD: Well, you can trust me.
WYNN: But I don’t even trust the way you just now said I could trust you.
DESIREE: Is that really what you want to play?
ANTOINE: I’d like to be able to play it.
DESIREE: I like what you play, Antoine.
ANTOINE: You’re not tired of it? I mean, compared to this, my shit is simple.
DESIREE: Go ahead. But I don’t think you’re gonna be happy gettin’ good at sumpin’ you don’t love.
We’re men, Schmidt. The only time a man is allowed to think of another man is when that man is Jay Cutler.
JACK: Not bad, not bad. Okay, relax. Let’s talk about this.
LOUIE: About what?
JACK: Body, face, beard, hair, clothes — you. Let’s talk about it.
LOUIE: Okay, look—
JACK: I’d rather not. Listen, cracker jack, if you’re gonna be televised, you gotta be easy on the eyes. It’s no good if people hate looking at you. You need a suit, a tie… some Brylcreem.